the paper of my skin belied a truth
all desire can be sought in the heart
birds bend boughs sing there covenant to me
smile i spit at those lies my heart remains enflamed engorged
the ribald cock in my loins will not decay
measure moments as my skin begins to fall
bone steady mast unleashes ragged careworn sail
wenches wrenched birth as memory to me
for @dVersePoets an attempt at a huitain never trained in the forms more an experiment
velvetmedia 
love these lines. Especially
birds bend boughs sing there covenant to me
smile i spit at those lies my heart remains enflamed engorged
Wow. The whole thing is a WOW.
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Ribald cock… bone steady mast…. what are we reading here, sir? š
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thought i would for this form of poetry go a little ribald and risque glad you liked š
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I too loved the opening and it’s certainly an interesting write, with touch of angst therein!
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An interesting Huitain. I read this as a fairly pessimistic view of aging. I wonder if that was your intent. So nice to meet you at dVerse.
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it was on this one topics and views vary depending what i am writing at the moment. Also great to meet you as well hope all is good
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The more you get used to working in form, the more you’ll enjoy it. It’s a lesson in a sort of discipline, (and heaven knows I eschewed it for YEARS), but the beauty of realizing form is that you begin to understand the music in poetic communication, not just the music in your head and heart, but that like other musical instruments, the sound of the spoken word is one as well and has set rules in how to convey that music — once it is accomplished it is also very freeing..a paradox of sorts!
Besides the form this poem owes a lot to other devices – notably metaphor and layerings of connotations surrounding human anatomy and physiology which here symbolize much more. This is the explication of a truth that when one connects intimately one has so much more invested than in a quick libido fix! I liked the way you remolded this to fit your words. Keep applying what you know with what you learn — it will yield great poetry.
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Interesting use of the form. Women have their own form of hoping time will be kind.
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it was a very different form of writing to my usual then decided to have a different style as well as form it was fun experimenting
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ha…this is an intriguing write for sure..
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Some wonderful lines here.
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Wonderful opening especially. The rest, I must confess, may be more meaningful to a male reader – I found it quite powerful, but I suspect the lines would deeply resonate with someone like my husband. k.
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Intriguing indeed!
Anna :o]
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I don’t know nothing about form, but I do know feel and this oozes it.
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here is to hoping decay does not set in as our skin begins to sag….ha…nice opening lines and an interesting build from there…
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Intriguing sense of risque in this one!
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Thank you Gemma š
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intriguing!
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this is definitely an experiment but was fun working on it and thank you for looking in
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