her eyes vanish into the book,
a candle burned,
a ring of light on the table,
my mind like air
became extracted in a condensed
gust,
her lips cracked by salt,
breath warm
spoke not unkindly in tumbledown
words,
if i could regain her sight with jello
in sockets,
lemon vision
blurred serene,
i would dance as a scarecrow
finding a locust on an ear of corn,
oh swan necked beauty
i want to be exposed
and not feel as a beaten cur,
see the clear streams inside me,
sunrise will send an image to you
of what is not fearful dreaming,
that the hours are silver toned,
and not so reckless,
each floor creak
with arms outstretched,
i will not collapse,
but be seen by you and accepted,
lift milk from the refrigerator
pour over crackling cereal,
today will be no different,
but i am somewhat sober now,
one more coffee
as the clock chimes,
she will become again
visible in a way
night will not show,
and i prefer it that way,
somewhere an orchestra strikes
up a refrain,
that lingers over the pain,
suspending tomorrow for us
I like “the clear streams inside of me”…..
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Here, the poets heart sings true, is exposed fearless. Bravo!
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This is frighteningly good! The suggestions for revision are good ones I think … your word choices and imagery are quite interesting, unique … very nice work.
http://nsaynne.wordpress.com/2012/09/12/like-pieces-of-confetti-souls-rained-down/
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Thank you and wonderful to see you, i have to say i enjoy reading you as well
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Excellent!
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Thank You
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You are appaullingly good. I bless and curse you simultaineously.
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thank you for the blessing and the curse, and thanks for dropping by hope the week goes well
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Ok it was 51% blessing and 49% curse. Cheers to you my friend.
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somewhere an orchestra strikes
up a refrain,
that lingers over the pain,
suspending tomorrow for us
A sonata of love and pain–and yet, not without a flicker of hope–beautifully penned!
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Hello Audrey thank you for the lovely comment
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I found this extraordinarily beautiful. This is an effective way of trying to find words for that ineffable sense of loss. I have to say I had difficulty with the formatting of it and its length. I re-copied it onto my notepad and set it up in three line stanzas and it seemed to have even more power for me. Each set of three lines seem to have a kind of “turn” exploring a different facet in that jewel of loss. I’m not suggesting you do that. I just found it gave the poem extra power for me and allowed me to read it succinctly on my screen. Very profound!
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Gay i appreciate your comments, when i write it is raw and in regard to formats and layout i have had no, shall we say academic training poetry did not figure much when i was at school and it has been a journey of figuring it out as i go along, so feedback and comments are always taken on board and again thank you and glad you liked
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i will def take some more coffee…smiles….i like your creative imagery…the jello in sockets for instance…and i really like the wanting to be exposed….perhaps to another chance…
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Thank you Brian again it is good to see you drop by my friend
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