bemused by moments
of silence
prayer was gasoline
to that monster he called a soul,
kneeling or supine
never enough,
massage and meditation
tried it all
still engorged on confusion
eyes watched through glasses,
was it all just
steak n eggs
or another sweet cigarette,
he wished to paint
what was placed inside,
no redemption
or sense of morality,
getting more each day
appetites of a man
forgetting where he
had walked before
if the tide crept
onto the map,
would jetsam get
pushed onto paper shores,
riddled with a cargo once
wanted,
particles of a time when
laden low in the water
movement became progressive
and sullen,
with Captains pressure
overboard they went,
these pieces,
identifiable to the moment they
are relevant,
among them a heart
oxidized yet beating in a rhythm
one would not see as living,
settled on silt,
occasional foam spread over it,
defiantly remained,
becoming part of this new land
forgetting the old rusting vessel
unburdened lifted lighter on the
water,
still did not gain speed,
instead propellers churned quicker
lifting out of water away from the
surface becoming more fragile
then disintegration ,
with a thrum of satisfaction all that
was needed done,
the heart became absorbed by sand
beating within the island,
staining and curling
the map,
remained unfound.
the dog chewed
at the edge of wooden floor
that had just not fitted,
splintering veneer off
creating sawdust,
it was a worry thing,
repeating what it’s mistress
did as she sat on the couch,
curled snug
chewing at nail stubs
and nibbling skin
she had not drawn blood yet
but would not be long,
things became too apparent
besides his absence
mortgage bill gone up
as had utilities,
and the corner store was not
cheap any more,
her purse light on change
a folded empty sack
devoid of sustenance,
one light on
as night gathered up the
stars and let them shine,
she could close a door on this
by getting up,
throwing of dressing gown,
adding make up to a blotchy face
highlighting the best she had,
drinking vodka from the small
bottle now in her purse,
closed the door
on the dog that watched with
tilted head as if knowing something
was going to happen,
loud music swelled over a street
recently cleared of winters snow,
damp and expectant,
voices loud,
beer spilled,
over excited conversations,
latching on to a group and joining in,
she began to loosen
talking her magic,
as the night traveled on,
depths of reality faltered,
as a hand moved under her skirt
gripping a buttock,
something smiled as well
as sneered inside,
tomorrow was settled then.
there where leftovers on the plate,
piece of meat rough cut,
some gravy over a partially mashed
portion of potato,
plate remained on mat,
on the table,
possibly two maybe three hours
had passed,
she still sat,
his wine untouched,
hers warm only sipped still in hand,
within her mind,
beneath that swept back ponytail
hair,
she wondered and placed broken
fragments,
none seemed to fit,
yet there had to be a shape and pattern,
all nature however ugly took a form,
outside a dog barked,
a trashcan rattled and clattered
cat startled into evasive action,
would that of been the right reaction,
to of been immediate and evasive,
when he came home with first evidence,
his work had extended hours,
appetite had lessened as the need to
lose weight,
change of deodorant to smell like
sandalwood,
indications flashed and flickered,
now haunted in ghostly caravan
reminding her of her feelings,
wine glass was placed on the table,
a smile with odd curve crossed her face,
she too left the table,
out on the porch night air had closed in
as a suffocating hot blanket,
occasional cars passed with head and tail
light illumination,
her eyes fell on the moon,
once clear now hazed,
she decided to wait till he returned tomorrow
extending his hands to her heart.
jazzmen played it out raw
on sticks and bones,
whilst light probed
smoke flavored room,
sat in illustration pose
talking to barkeep,
ivory gown caught
moonlight glimmers,
wanting to touch, to feel
contours and indentations,
he knew it would take
more than bootleg whiskey,
tongue had edge that
made words sharper
than meant to be,
gentle approach,
jaguar on leaf littered jungle
warmed by sun,
moved in steps both wary
and purposeful,
a hand upon her side not swiped
away but held a moment
then squoze in a way that
reasoned back off,
barkeep moved,
ballet of moves occurred,
caught eyes in reflection,
a brown that suggested openings
to a deeper soul than he had
known before and gave nothing
away,
questioning now his own purpose,
she turned face to face,
it made him waver,
pearls sat upon cleavage that ached
for his tongue,
aware this thought lingered,
she smiled sarcastically,
despite the night
a dawn apparent came over
him,
she was untouchable one so
beautiful he would never
possess,
lonely retreat defeated in battle
nodding in acknowledgement ,
stepped away
taking a glass from a passing tray,
hand trembling.
sand stuck to her
like pepper on a steak,
i could almost feel textured
braille of messages
upon her skin,
beneath those
pieces of cloth
anatomy to be discovered,
i ache , i pain
she carries on by,
and i take up my pad
and write
velvetmedia 